Episodes
Friday Feb 14, 2014
Conan: The Phantoms of the Black Coast
Friday Feb 14, 2014
Friday Feb 14, 2014
Normally whenever I write a review, it’s at least a day or two after I’ve read the comic in question. I do it because I think it allows for a bit more objectivity in most cases to let my initial impressions fade a bit and to think on what worked and didn’t work. Today, I make an exception. Not just because this is “Conan,” but because it’s Valentine’s Day and the story in question is about the barbarian king putting the memory of his greatest love to rest. With beheadings! As fun as that sounds, this might be the last time I do something like this as “Phantoms of the Black Coast” comes off as the least satisfying “Conan” miniseries I’ve read.
It will also strike readers of Brian Wood’s run on the ongoing title as a very odd story to do right now. After all, he’s chronicling the title character’s romance with the Queen of the Black Coast, Belit, right now. There is a mild spoiler in the fact that she’s revealed to have died, but writer Victor Gischler thankfully doesn’t bother with explaining how that actually happened. Instead, we pick up early on in Conan’s tenure as King of Aquilonia as he scores a great victory by breaking the siege on the capital. Before his revelry can begin, he’s met by a sorceress who offers him a harem in hopes of finding a position in his court. One of the women also happens to resemble Belit, who has been haunting his dreams for some time now. As the sorceress confesses that she knows the pirate queen’s spirit to be trapped between worlds, Conan begins a personal expedition to the Black Coast in the hopes of giving his love the rest she deserves.
Gischler is a writer who has done a lot of work for Marvel and other companies over the years, though I’ve yet to see a title he’s been involved with that really got people excited. In case you’re wondering, he’s probably best known for the “Vampires vs. X-Men” story that kicked off the relaunched adjectiveless “X-Men” title a few years back. I’ll admit that after seeing his name pop up often enough around the industry that I’ve wondered if he was doing something right and I was missing out on quality comics by not picking up what he was writing. After this, I feel fairly safe in not checking out his back catalogue.
I don’t know if “Phantoms of the Black Coast” was something Gischler pitched to Dark Horse, or if the company offered it to him, but the whole timing of the story is wrong. Its premise along marks it as a story that should’ve run after Wood’s tale as a kind of epilogue. Yet even though it’s Conan’s feelings for Belit which get the story moving, her presence is negligible throughout much of the story. By the end of it all, this doesn’t feel like a story about Conan and Belit rather than an excuse to engage in some by-the-numbers action involving the title character.
We get to see him fighting in a pitched battle, kill assassins who come in the night, fight bloodthirsty natives, explore ancient ruins of old civilizations, and find himself on the wrong end of magic once again. All of the elements that usually make up a good “Conan” story are indeed here, yet their presence feels like Gischler is checking these things off of a list. It’s as if he thinks that the mere presence of these tropes will be enough to satisfy fans. If so, then the writer is wrong as everything here has been done much better either in the main title or the other miniseries. Though he gives Conan some genuine badass moments, in the opening fight against the enemy leader and in taking out the guardian of the Wind Eater, they’re not enough to sustain the whole narrative. The story is also burdened with a pretty bland supporting cast and dialogue that feels more expository than anything else. Gischler does try to drum up some intrigue with the sorceress’ real motives though the big revelation falls flat in the end. I will give him credit for not making it Thoth-Amon, though.
A big part of the reason that reveal comes off like it does is due to the fact that artist Attila Futaki completely fails to sell it on the page. It’s a moment that should’ve made your jaw drop and instead makes the final threat look positively quaint. Futaki does a serviceable job elsewhere in the series, as there’s a roughness to his style that feels appropriate to the material. Even so, his work never feels like more than competent draftsmanship as it tells the story without ever displaying any flair or style that makes the art rise above the script he’s working from.
Ultimately, this is one for Dark Horse “Conan” completists as it ultimately left me feeling uninspired. Wood has done a good job of selling and developing Conan and Belit’s romance over two volumes so far. One would be better served by going back and re-reading those volumes than by investing in this uninspired epilogue here.
Jason Glick
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